Is Timing Everything?

Last night I was going over my index cards for one of my upcoming finals, and decided to take a break with some re-runs of Sex and the City.  As luck would have had it, one of my favorite episodes (Season 3, Episode 7), was on.  The following conversation between Miranda, Charlotte and Carrie is something that has made me pause time and time again:

Charlotte (about Trey): Sometimes you just know. With the right man it’s just fate.
Miranda: It’s not fate. His light is on, that’s all.
Charlotte: What light?
Miranda: Men are like cabs. When they’re available their light goes on. They wake up one day, they decide they are ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom, that’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate. It’s dumb luck.
Charlotte: Sorry, I refuse to believe that love is that random.
Miranda: It’s all about timing. You gotta get them when their light’s on.

          vs.     

And just like Charlotte, I would say that I too refuse to believe that something as profound as love could be that random.  But then, when I really think about it, I can't help but wonder if timing really is everything.  For instance, "college sweethearts" are called that because they met in college.  Had one of them taken time off, or gone off to study abroad, or well not gone to college at all, they would never have met right?  It also seems to be a pretty standard deal in law schools now, for people to meet their other half and get their MR and MRS well in advance of getting their JDs.  Maybe the notion of bumping into a tall, dark, handsome stranger on a rainy night under the awning of a random residence on the upper west side is far too romantic (and well cheesy), or jumping into the same cab as the man/woman of your dreams (a la JLo and Alex O'Loughlin in The Backup Plan) has a low statistical probability, but with the addition of the "timing is everything" caveat, I find myself wondering if it even makes sense to bother tinkering with this stuff until the proverbial "light," as per Miranda, is on? 

I look back at the number of times I have passed up on people and potential relationships because of "timing."  In high school, I felt that I was "too young" to be day dreaming about anyone and had to focus on getting into college anyway.  In college I had to be "very focused" on getting into law school, and anything or anyone else was going to be a (a) distraction,  (b) irrelevant,  (c) what would be the point if I packed up and moved off to the West Coast (long distance relationships were rather painful from what I had been hearing from friends dealing with high school bfs/gfs attending schools far, far away)... 

So since I didn't pack myself off to law school right away, and started working last year, I promptly invented a new reason: I was working for just a year, and my lifestyle (living alone for the first time, working ridiculous 12-15 hour days & weekends, living, & well loving, the 'BigLaw life', eating takeout every single day...) was too impermanent to allow for a relationship. Well a serious one anyway, and casual dating still wasn't my cup of tea.  So I found myself sitting across someone I had really and truly liked for quite a long time, telling him that I didn't think that I was a "real adult" yet, and when he laughed and asked what I meant by that, I responded with all seriousness that it mean that being one would entail having, "a JD, a real job, a real apartment etc."  He looked down at this plate (with disappointment I now realize) and did this little casual shrug that he does when he's trying to make it seem like he doesn't really care/isn't fazed at all, and said, "Okay, fine. It's your life," and that was that.  Oh, and did I mention that it was Valentine's Day when this little conversation took place?  


But a few days later (when I think I finally realized that I was pretty much head over heels in serious "like like" with him) I found myself thinking maybe I had it all wrong...  

So I started wondering that maybe there was never a right time, and maybe there would never be a right time.  Maybe the time was right now? But by the time I had figured it out, the timing really wasn't "right" anymore.  The day I finally worked up the courage to walk up to his cubicle and tell him what I really felt, it was too late. He was holding an acceptance letter from a great law school, which effectively meant that he'd be spending the next three years of his life buried in a pile of books in a far, far away land called ________.  :(  Ironically enough, the letter was dated, February 14th, 2010.  So I swallowed my newly found courage along with a big lump of disappointment and didn't say anything at all.  A few months later, I stood in the lobby of our firm's building, and watched him leave ... out of the revolving doors,  and out of New York.  

Maybe I could have been all dramatic (a la every single romantic movie) and run out after him in my impractically high heels, and said breathlessly at the last minute, "Wait, wait! ... I forgot to tell you something.  I think, I like you. I mean, I like like you.  A lot."  Maybe it would still have been the wrong time, because he was still going to leave that Fall.  Or maybe he would have turned around and said with that half smile I had grown to love so much, "Oh yeah? Hold that thought.  I'll get back to you on that..." and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't still be thinking "what if?" every other day... 

...

I love the movie Serendipity now, but when I first saw it, I had to seriously restrain myself from groaning out loud every ten minutes.  I mean HOW could they just let "fate" decide if they were going to be together??? How can you just walk away from someone who feels so right that your soul recognizes that they might be "The One?" How?!?!  I don't think I've ever been that frustrated for a full 90 minutes before in my life.  It's one thing to have a "missed connection" situation where you see the doors of the 4 train close in your face, or you see them hop into a cab that speeds away in the opposite direction.  But to have a pen, and plenty of paper (not to mention cell phones?!) and then just let fate decide if you'll ever get that person's name/number again, well that's ... that's just plain reckless! It made for a great movie, but I think I'd get an ulcer from all that stress haha!

Bottom line: I think somewhere along the way I stopped looking at my planner to see if it was a "good time."  Life's too short to worry about everything going according to The Plan.  Hey, you can make all the plans you want, and then life will happen anyway.  So maybe next time, if fate does smile on you, say thank you, and take down his/her number.  Take a chance, take a risk, take a leap of faith... and make it the "right time" ...


And maybe, just maybe, next time I see him, I will say, "Hey, by the way... just so you know, I really like like you."    

XOXO

H