11.11.11
I don't know when it actually started, but I think that around the age of ten I somehow decided that my soulmate-missing-puzzle-piece-other-half-prince-charming existed, and when the time was right, I was going to meet him, fall in love, have magical picnics and walks in the forest, have pretty little birds and butterflies fly around our heads, skip (not walk, skip) in grassy meadows, find a beautiful castle, or cottage (or condo) and we would live 'happily ever after...'
Sound familiar? It is. We all know this one. Because that's what happened to her, and her, and this one, and of course to her ... It happened to them all. So how could I not believe that it would happen to me as well? After all, I grew up watching them for years. All those Sunday mornings, in my Disney pjs, with a bowl of cereal in front of me, I'd watch the 'magic' unfold... I'd laugh and smile as they'd talk to animals (never questioning WHY the animals talked back, or why they could speak English anyway), and lip-synced as they sang while doing chores or skipped daintily in the forests, and teared up when things would go wrong, and the poor little princess was separated from her prince because of the machinations of the evildoers, and then rejoice when they were reunited, and clap when they kissed and walked/rode/glided off into the sunset...
Afterwards, as I'd finish my soggy breakfast, I'd be filled with this sense of tranquility and bliss - life was so beautiful and I couldn't wait to grow up and find "The One."
If only life were Disney...
So between the ages of 11 and 14, I realized that I had very little in common with her, and her, and well her, and realized that I actually liked her (because like me, she could do this), her (because she was kind of sassy) and especially her, a lot better. I was never dainty to begin with anyway. I liked to run around a lot (skipping was fun, but only if it involved a jump rope and some competition), ripped my leggings a lot, liked climbing things, and some of my bruises had bruises... I also was too impatient and restless to sit around looking out of a window, or to sing to birds. I liked to debate (competitively obviously). And write. And sculpt with clay (which can get really messy). And practice my jump shot.
And then came high school, and adolescence... and then eventually college.
What I didn't realize at all back then (and till fairly recently) was that unconsciously, I had picked up some subliminal messages from the fairytales I had loved so much as a child. So I suppose that I believed some, or almost all, of the following:
1. Girls (like Disney princesses) go about with their lives, whether as orphans stuck cleaning greasy kitchen floors, or whiling away time in a locked tower, or in my case - doing well in school, collecting slam books, having sleepovers & sharing secrets with best friends, keeping diaries and playing contact sports.
2. Bad hair days are a myth. Your hair will always be perfect - or almost perfect even if the wind messes it up a little, or even if you fall and land in a pile of leaves, it will always look perfect. Just like hers.
3. You will always have wonderful, supportive, loving, creative, entertaining friends. They will obviously not be small furry animals fluent in English, or well-meaning but eccentric fairy godmothers, but you will be surrounded by people who love you and will help you find your prince.
4. Your prince (read: normal human boy with no magical abilities whatsoever) will find you. Yes, HE will find YOU. Not the other way round. So you just sit tight, and do your thing, and one day, he will ride into town on a noble steed, be shipwrecked right outside your castle by the sea, or see you across a ballroom and fall head over heels in love with you. Translation: almost run you over with his bicycle, splash you with chlorinated water in the pool, pull your hair in the playground, send you a slightly crumpled Valentine, slip a note into your locker, and sneak looks at you from across the lecture hall/library/restaurant...
5. "Happily Ever After," is what you want. You will never be bored of having a perfect existence, with perfect hair, and the perfect boy. Things like a B.A.-M.A.-J.D.-L.L.M.-clerking-biglaw job-making partner-teaching in a law school-saving the world, are nothing compared to "Happily Ever After."
6. You will always have the option of moving to a castle even if your story started in a small, modest cottage. (That can be your summer house for when you're redoing the walls in the grand ballroom.)
7. There really is no such thing as dating. Or exes. I mean, did Belle have an ex-bf? Or Ariel? Or Snow White? Did any of them go on blind dates? Or group dates? Or get set-up? Or tinker with online dating? Nope. Again, you just sit tight, do your thing, and magically this guy will come find you.
8. Also, when he does show up, he will be perfect and fearless. Hair, clothes, manners, horseback riding skills, marksmanship (read: no crazy haircut, will invest in detergent, won't scratch ahem in public, can drive a real car and not just a Wii-one, buy you flowers, will carry you when your feet get tired from the 5-inch heels, and will say & do all the right things at the right time).
9. Along with bad hair days, you will never wake up on the wrong side of the bed. You will wake up every single day, radiant, glowing, wanting to burst into song. Disney princesses don't hit the snooze button. Or stand in line at their local Starbucks hiding behind the biggest, darkest pair of sunglasses they have, waiting for their morning fix of caffeine. They also don't wear concealer, or any kind of make-up really... So you're just going to have that fresh, dewy complexion, with a light natural blush and rosy red lips. And you will never really have to worry about what to wear because everything will look great on you anyway.
...
Now while some of the things are great and actually true (like having the love and support of great friends), the rest can start to unravel. And fast. You realize that your high school love isn't even the one you're going to prom with, let alone "The One," and the guy who stole your heart after copious amounts of jungle juice at the frat party last weekend doesn't remotely seem like Prince Charming in broad daylight... and so begins the spiral I call the "Relationship Pacman."
But going back to the Disney theme, it's hard to understand why the fairytale isn't happening. You've done everything right. But where, oh where, is your prince? And then the dread begins to creep in... sneaking its way into your heart, one tentacle at a time. What if it's me? What if my "standards" are too high? What if I'm not "hot" enough, or go to enough parties? Maybe I need to change my hair/clothes/name...? As the Dread Monster sets up camp, doubts and insecurities mushroom all over. You start second guessing yourself. Reconsidering all the guys you had passed over because you were convinced they weren't "The One." Maybe X will stop binge drinking on weekends, or Y will take a break from 6 hour video game marathons to make small talk with you (on his way to the bathroom maybe?), or Z will take you to a nice restaurant, or park, or the movies instead of always taking you to the dark, dingy, smelly bar with the dollar beers where you can't even hear yourself think... Maybe, just maybe it was one of them, and you didn't look hard enough. Or try hard enough...
Or maybe life isn't Disney. But only in the sense that you don't have to sit back and wait for "The One," to come galloping on his trusty horse to find you. Maybe, just like you, he's out there somewhere, wondering who you are, and when you're going to meet him. And maybe, just maybe, it's okay for you to take the first step and start walking down that path that will eventually lead you to him. So what if you don't know when it'll be, or who it'll be, or where and how it'll happen. So what, if it takes time and isn't happening according to your 5-year or 10-year plan. So what if there's really nothing you can actually do to make it happen. It'll happen. You just have to believe in it. And in yourself. And in the idea that what you seek, is seeking you (Rumi).
And that's when I realized that Disney wasn't to blame. Because Disney taught me to believe... in love, and soulmates, and the very idea of "Happily Ever After." But more importantly, as Sarah Crewe would say:
So I leave you with a quote that I think sums all of this up far better than I can:
So here's to Disney. And to the magic of believing... :)
XOXO
H
I don't know when it actually started, but I think that around the age of ten I somehow decided that my soulmate-missing-puzzle-piece-other-half-prince-charming existed, and when the time was right, I was going to meet him, fall in love, have magical picnics and walks in the forest, have pretty little birds and butterflies fly around our heads, skip (not walk, skip) in grassy meadows, find a beautiful castle, or cottage (or condo) and we would live 'happily ever after...'
Sound familiar? It is. We all know this one. Because that's what happened to her, and her, and this one, and of course to her ... It happened to them all. So how could I not believe that it would happen to me as well? After all, I grew up watching them for years. All those Sunday mornings, in my Disney pjs, with a bowl of cereal in front of me, I'd watch the 'magic' unfold... I'd laugh and smile as they'd talk to animals (never questioning WHY the animals talked back, or why they could speak English anyway), and lip-synced as they sang while doing chores or skipped daintily in the forests, and teared up when things would go wrong, and the poor little princess was separated from her prince because of the machinations of the evildoers, and then rejoice when they were reunited, and clap when they kissed and walked/rode/glided off into the sunset...
Afterwards, as I'd finish my soggy breakfast, I'd be filled with this sense of tranquility and bliss - life was so beautiful and I couldn't wait to grow up and find "The One."
If only life were Disney...
So between the ages of 11 and 14, I realized that I had very little in common with her, and her, and well her, and realized that I actually liked her (because like me, she could do this), her (because she was kind of sassy) and especially her, a lot better. I was never dainty to begin with anyway. I liked to run around a lot (skipping was fun, but only if it involved a jump rope and some competition), ripped my leggings a lot, liked climbing things, and some of my bruises had bruises... I also was too impatient and restless to sit around looking out of a window, or to sing to birds. I liked to debate (competitively obviously). And write. And sculpt with clay (which can get really messy). And practice my jump shot.
And then came high school, and adolescence... and then eventually college.
What I didn't realize at all back then (and till fairly recently) was that unconsciously, I had picked up some subliminal messages from the fairytales I had loved so much as a child. So I suppose that I believed some, or almost all, of the following:
1. Girls (like Disney princesses) go about with their lives, whether as orphans stuck cleaning greasy kitchen floors, or whiling away time in a locked tower, or in my case - doing well in school, collecting slam books, having sleepovers & sharing secrets with best friends, keeping diaries and playing contact sports.
2. Bad hair days are a myth. Your hair will always be perfect - or almost perfect even if the wind messes it up a little, or even if you fall and land in a pile of leaves, it will always look perfect. Just like hers.
3. You will always have wonderful, supportive, loving, creative, entertaining friends. They will obviously not be small furry animals fluent in English, or well-meaning but eccentric fairy godmothers, but you will be surrounded by people who love you and will help you find your prince.
4. Your prince (read: normal human boy with no magical abilities whatsoever) will find you. Yes, HE will find YOU. Not the other way round. So you just sit tight, and do your thing, and one day, he will ride into town on a noble steed, be shipwrecked right outside your castle by the sea, or see you across a ballroom and fall head over heels in love with you. Translation: almost run you over with his bicycle, splash you with chlorinated water in the pool, pull your hair in the playground, send you a slightly crumpled Valentine, slip a note into your locker, and sneak looks at you from across the lecture hall/library/restaurant...
5. "Happily Ever After," is what you want. You will never be bored of having a perfect existence, with perfect hair, and the perfect boy. Things like a B.A.-M.A.-J.D.-L.L.M.-clerking-biglaw job-making partner-teaching in a law school-saving the world, are nothing compared to "Happily Ever After."
6. You will always have the option of moving to a castle even if your story started in a small, modest cottage. (That can be your summer house for when you're redoing the walls in the grand ballroom.)
7. There really is no such thing as dating. Or exes. I mean, did Belle have an ex-bf? Or Ariel? Or Snow White? Did any of them go on blind dates? Or group dates? Or get set-up? Or tinker with online dating? Nope. Again, you just sit tight, do your thing, and magically this guy will come find you.
8. Also, when he does show up, he will be perfect and fearless. Hair, clothes, manners, horseback riding skills, marksmanship (read: no crazy haircut, will invest in detergent, won't scratch ahem in public, can drive a real car and not just a Wii-one, buy you flowers, will carry you when your feet get tired from the 5-inch heels, and will say & do all the right things at the right time).
9. Along with bad hair days, you will never wake up on the wrong side of the bed. You will wake up every single day, radiant, glowing, wanting to burst into song. Disney princesses don't hit the snooze button. Or stand in line at their local Starbucks hiding behind the biggest, darkest pair of sunglasses they have, waiting for their morning fix of caffeine. They also don't wear concealer, or any kind of make-up really... So you're just going to have that fresh, dewy complexion, with a light natural blush and rosy red lips. And you will never really have to worry about what to wear because everything will look great on you anyway.
...
Now while some of the things are great and actually true (like having the love and support of great friends), the rest can start to unravel. And fast. You realize that your high school love isn't even the one you're going to prom with, let alone "The One," and the guy who stole your heart after copious amounts of jungle juice at the frat party last weekend doesn't remotely seem like Prince Charming in broad daylight... and so begins the spiral I call the "Relationship Pacman."
But going back to the Disney theme, it's hard to understand why the fairytale isn't happening. You've done everything right. But where, oh where, is your prince? And then the dread begins to creep in... sneaking its way into your heart, one tentacle at a time. What if it's me? What if my "standards" are too high? What if I'm not "hot" enough, or go to enough parties? Maybe I need to change my hair/clothes/name...? As the Dread Monster sets up camp, doubts and insecurities mushroom all over. You start second guessing yourself. Reconsidering all the guys you had passed over because you were convinced they weren't "The One." Maybe X will stop binge drinking on weekends, or Y will take a break from 6 hour video game marathons to make small talk with you (on his way to the bathroom maybe?), or Z will take you to a nice restaurant, or park, or the movies instead of always taking you to the dark, dingy, smelly bar with the dollar beers where you can't even hear yourself think... Maybe, just maybe it was one of them, and you didn't look hard enough. Or try hard enough...
Or maybe life isn't Disney. But only in the sense that you don't have to sit back and wait for "The One," to come galloping on his trusty horse to find you. Maybe, just like you, he's out there somewhere, wondering who you are, and when you're going to meet him. And maybe, just maybe, it's okay for you to take the first step and start walking down that path that will eventually lead you to him. So what if you don't know when it'll be, or who it'll be, or where and how it'll happen. So what, if it takes time and isn't happening according to your 5-year or 10-year plan. So what if there's really nothing you can actually do to make it happen. It'll happen. You just have to believe in it. And in yourself. And in the idea that what you seek, is seeking you (Rumi).
And that's when I realized that Disney wasn't to blame. Because Disney taught me to believe... in love, and soulmates, and the very idea of "Happily Ever After." But more importantly, as Sarah Crewe would say:
"All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us."
So I leave you with a quote that I think sums all of this up far better than I can:
“You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person you stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the very next phone call you make or receive, the very next movie you see or book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you've been waiting for ... fall into place.”
- A. Robbins
So here's to Disney. And to the magic of believing... :)
XOXO
H
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